Hindsight Advice

Next month I’ll “celebrate” the 31st anniversary of turning 21. Thirty. One. Years. To me, that passing of time seems both fleeting and possessing of so much. In my twenties, life seemed so wide open. I couldn’t conceive of the many things I didn’t know and would learn along the way. An interesting, if self-indulgent, thought exercise is to consider the hindsight advice one might provide their younger self. Following on from my last post’s toe-dip into 90’s music nostalgia, I decided to visit the last decade of the twentieth century once again. What guidance would I give my 21-year-old self if I could travel back in time?

Assuming I quickly moved through the parts where I urged myself to load up on Apple (AAPL) stock and go large on betting the 2015/16 EPL champion would be Leicester City, I believe I’d keep my words of wisdom generic enough to avoid tearing the very fabric of space and time. Or, however that might work. Maybe the best approach would be to send back an anonymous letter? Time traveling snail mail is really the only option as e-mail wasn’t much of a thing back in 1992. Forget about DM’s, BLOGs, IG posts, tweets, FB updates, blah, blah, blah.

So, to my 21-year-old self, I hope to drop some knowledge on you!

Become more open-minded

I like to believe that I’ve become more open to different and new ideas over the years. If true, it’s likely because I’ve had the opportunity to meet people from vastly different backgrounds and not because of some spark of enlightenment. Developing a broader sense of the world through experience is invaluable in becoming a more open-minded person. I had the great opportunity to complete two 9-month co-op internships while I was in college. For both stints I worked at IBM in Rochester, MN and to say that I met and interacted with people who had different outlooks on life than me, would be an understatement. Well beyond the work experience and much needed income, the life experience of being on my own in a completely new environment and state helped me to form a wider view of the world.

To my younger self, I’d encourage him to embrace new experiences as a golden opportunity to expand views and gain understanding of the world around him.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself “out there”

As an introvert, this bit of advice would have been quite challenging but helpful over the years. “Networking” is the modern buzzword used to describe the practice of connecting with people outside of one’s current circle of acquaintances. To be honest, I used to find the term a little too transactional for my tastes. Networking felt like I was seeking out people for my personal gain. What I’ve come to realize is that connecting with people is just how society works. Human connections can be positive for all manner of reasons – forming a new friendship, identifying a mutually beneficial business opportunity, or as a learning experience.

To my younger self, I’d encourage him to not be afraid to connect with new people. The possibility of rejection or being open to criticism is minor compared to the potential goodness that comes from forging new connections and friendships. Trust your instincts, have confidence in your abilities, and be proud of who you are.

Work hard…but not too hard

Working hard is a value that was instilled within me from an early age. In many ways, the American experience is founded on the notion that anything can be accomplished if only we work hard enough. And putting forth concerted effort in pursuit of an objective will always be important. However, what I’ve discovered along my journey is that nobody will prevent you from working too hard. Technology now allows twenty-four-hour, seven-day-a-week access to work.  Learning to strike an appropriate balance between hard work and everything else is key to a long and happy life.  Humans need rejuvenation and time to strengthen bonds with family, community, nature, and one’s inner self.

To my younger self, I’d caution against working so hard that other aspects of life suffer. It’s a difficult lesson for an achievement-oriented individual to put into practice. But us humans need much more than hard work to truly be well-rounded and successful.

Take care of mental and physical health

When your twenty-one, it can be hard to envision a future with increasing stress and declining metabolism. A time in life when adding pounds comes easier than sleeping through the night. I was super active in college, playing tennis or basketball or both daily. So, it may have been hard for me to believe that my mental and physical well-being were going to be deprioritized for a long stretch of my life. Many of the challenges I faced in this aspect of life came as a result of the working too many hours. Which means this piece of guidance goes hand in hand with the previous one.

To my younger self, I’d implore him to live with better balance and resist the temptation to set aside exercise and mental rejuvenation. It is also worth mentioning that there is no shame in seeking help for mental health challenges. We seek help from medical professionals when we have concerns with our physical health. So should we seek similar help when we experience challenges with our mental health.

Saving and investing are NOT the same thing

In a previous post I suggest four key financial habits that are beneficial to young people starting their own personal financial journey. These habits are: (1) keep track of your money; (2) avoid credit card debt; (3) pay yourself first; (4) establish and maintain a financial plan. I wish I would have started to build all of these habits earlier than I did. In addition to this guidance, I’d emphasize that saving and investing are not the same thing. This bit of hindsight advice relates to the idea that simply saving money is unlikely to build enough wealth to support the bigger objectives in life (i.e. enabling family education goals, achieving early retirement, building a dream home).

To my younger self, I’d suggest that starting to invest some money early in life is the best way to unlock the power of compounding over time. Saving is important to provide security but investing is key in building wealth.

Add value

At first pass, this advice might seem to be at odds with the idea of not working too hard. However, it’s been my experience that working hard and creating value don’t always correlate with one another. If you buy into the idea that value is equal to the perceived benefit of something less the actual cost to provide that something, then perhaps you’ll agree that the creating value is more complicated than simply keeping your nose to the grindstone.

To my younger self, I’d advice him to be crystal clear about the value he should be creating in his work and life. Seek opportunities where there is a favorable convergence of aspects of ourselves and those of the world at large. Specifically, engage in things you love and are great at that also happen to be things that the world needs and rewards you for. Finding your purpose will increase the chances of creating value and happiness.

Don’t fear failure – learn from it

The American tennis player Jimmy Connors is quoted as having said “I hate to lose more than I love to win.” This pretty much sums up my philosophy as well. I have always hated to lose or disappoint or fail. It makes me feel genuinely bad. Unfortunately, having such an aversion to failure has meant that I have avoided situations where failure is a distinct possibility. This isn’t to say that I’ve never come up short. I have…many times. But as painful as it can be, the best lessons I’ve learned have come from failure (here are some interesting lessons that can come from failure).

To my younger self, don’t be afraid to try and try some more. Everyone wants to win but nobody wins all the time, in every endeavor. Losing provides the gift of experience. View failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.

What does Generation X know?

One last note. I had the opportunity to catch up with my friend and fellow GenX’er Brian this week (we actually used our phones to speak to one another). One of the topics our conversation wandered into was the difference in social pressures facing young people today. Driven predominately by technology and the invention (or sometimes curse) of social media, teenagers and young adults are inundated with information, inputs, and interactions in ways we never were. With this in mind, I’m confident that not all of what I’ve written here will completely resonate with today’s twenty-something readers (if there are any) who are navigating life in the current version of our society.

That said, if my 21-year-old self was navigating today’s world of social media and instantaneous feedback, I would suggest that other people’s opinion of him are none of his business. Don’t assign value to that which is inherently valueless.

I have shared similar lessons and ideas with my children (16, 18, 20). My hope is that they, at least, find something mildly helpful or briefly thought provoking. Organizing one’s thoughts using the written word can help convey what we intend, free of the urgency that often comes with verbal interactions. I know I’ve wished I would have said something different or additional following many a conversation.

Perhaps you might also find it meaningful to write down your own life lessons. If not for your past self, then maybe for your children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews.

Written by: A Reed Reviewed by: B Holman